Crazy

I've just come to the realization that I'm crazy. I may be be completely insane in fact. Possibly to a stranger or acquaintance, I appear to be level headed, calm, well spoken, and possibly innocent(?). But those that know me really well know that's the exact opposite of the reality that is N. CRAZY O. The only thing that's ever visually offended me is my neighbors old balls when he flashes all of us neighborhood girls. I've seen dead bodies, sex, blood, feces, vomit without batting an eye. Nothing is taboo. Not to say that I enjoying seeing the aforementioned things that are supposed to be "gross", it's just that it's no big deal. I don't feel any discomfort seeing such horrible images, but i feel complete and utter discomfort in thinking what i could have touched by accident on railings, bus poles, bus seats, telephones, shoes etc. I mean i really let my wander--OMG, what if this guy next to me just touched xyz and didn't wash his hands, and now i have to touch the pole, oh god, is there a way to getting around touching anything he's touched???

Sometimes i like to talk in funny accents for no reason, and when I'm drunk I'll relate with strangers about our common experiences that I've never had.

I rarely take the elevator ever so when i MUST use one, i feel like i have to make it count. I play this game on the elevator at work: when the elevator stops, i try to do as many harlem shakes as i can before the door opens thus allowing some to catch me, the current record is 7.

Sometimes i go through a phase where i count my teeth over and over and over again. Sometimes i get lost in thought and miscount them, and i get kind of pissed about it, so then i have to count them like twice in a row to make up for it.

OK so I'm going to stop listing crazy things i do, because I'm scaring myself and probably you. But this makes me think, since i know these things are not normal am I sane? Do people get the label of crazy when they DON'T realize their regular actions aren't acceptable and they lose the understanding of the concept of social normalcy? I'm going to conclude this blog with a list of actual crazy people.

The woman I ride the bus with whose hair is formed into ONE dread lock, carries a doll with her, and talks to and beats the doll when she's "done something bad"

The man who sits in a puddle across the street from my office every time it rains, and is nowhere to be found on beautiful days.

George W. Bush Supporters

The transvestite who "lives" outside/beside of the rite aid on Forbes and Smithfield, and sits in her recliner reading 10 year old news papers.


My 4th grade teacher who had an unwarranted hatred for me.


People who are obsessed with plastic surgery.

Almost all of the guys i've ever dated, except Joe, of course.

A guy who begged for change from my friend and me, and after we said no, he asked for ass in place of the change we already weren't giving him.



You...?

Thanks.

This is an excerpt from an e-mail thread with a friend. I wrote it in a moment of self reflection.


I am really fortunate that i have my parents' help and support in whatever i do. I think at times it's hurt me, or i guess allowed me to let myself slip? I did really well in school for my entire life, so they never had to ride me, and i really didn't have any rules. I was definitely taught virtuous lessons, but maybe since i got it, they didn't wanna push it and force me to rebel? I got bored with college and decided to make money and they were behind me 100%. It's ultimately a good thing, but had they been more strict or disapproving, I'd probably be done with school now..BUT in a career i wasn't passionate about. Honestly, if i told my parents i wanted to go to clown school, my mom would say, can't wait to see you in the circus baby! haha. How do they do it? I think it's my mom and her influence on my dad. she's one of the most open minded, intuitive, intelligent compassionate people that i know. I really want to grow up to be just like her...well other than the sedentary lifestyle. I wanna be an active version of my mom. If i was a teenager hearing myself say this, I'd be SHOCKED. Like every teenager, i couldn't stand my parents and i thought they were so OLD and unhip! haha. guess it was just my hormones. Also my dad is a really sensitive guy, and he's a really hard worker, and he does it for us. God our generation doesn't know shit about that! Like how the fuck am I gonna feed some kids let alone buy them gadgets? All i got to give them is love, FUCK.I have to clothe them!? WOW!

MOVE!

America needs to get off of the COUCH! Stop eating food that's made in a lab/factory and eat something that will actually make you feel GOOD! The stimulus for this blog was seeing an obese child too unfit to keep up with his 40 year old mother's walking pace! INSANITY! SHE made him that way! We live in a country with amazing resources and we KNOW that what we put into our bodies is killing us. Nobody has to be fat. It’s all part of the American machine. Consume consume consume, and sit sit sit. Everything in our society it centered around sitting and eating, This isn’t a coincidence. America wants you to sit in your car and DRIVE up to a restaurant, order your fried food without ever leaving your seat, eat fries while sitting on the way home, and to eat your food sitting in front of a television. When is there movement? Never. Before you went to the drive thru you were more than likely sitting in front of a computer. You took the elevator down one floor, and walked out to the parking lot to your car parked in the closest spot possible, and then drove to the death-thru. Most Westerners wouldn’t see a problem with this, which is an even greater problem than our nation’s obesity epidemic. As if morbid obesity wasn’t awakening enough, now as Americans we’ve grown to become super morbidly obese. It’s saddening. Through writing I can’t possibly convey or evoke the emotions that rise within me when stores have the option of “extra meat” listed on their menus, like lemmings people are elated with this choice and oblige. Take a walk during your lunch break. Park far away, or really question if you MUST drive. Walking or biking to your destination is good for the environment and your body. Pack your own lunch. Walk around during commercial breaks. Get rid of your remote. These all sound elementary and possibly silly…but it works. My M.O. is Bullshit in, bullshit out. You’re not going to be healthy if you eat fried battered fake food, you’re going to LOOK like the bullshit you eat! Our Country is making us fat, and it’s time that we (literally) take a stand and regain control of our bodies.

I wonder.

I've been looking for an old "best friend" for about 4 years now, and I've finally found her. I sent her a message, and hopefully she'll reply. I wonder if she lost touch with me on purpose. I've had the same telephone number for 6 years, and other than living in ATL for a few months, i've resided in the same 8-10 mile radius for the past 5 years, I'm a really easy person to get a hold of, so it really makes me wonder. The last time we talked or saw each other was after another two year episode of "losing touch". Maybe i should stop trying? The thing is, this isn't any ordinary friendship. She's probably one of the closest friends I've ever had, and we could tell each other anything without passing judgement, or feeling uncomfortable. I really hope she gets back to me. Hopefully we'll become close enough again, that i can ask her if i did something that would cause her to de-friend me. Maybe i'm just too real.

As Seen On TV

I probably watch about 3 hours of TV a week. Not because i'm too cool, but between all of the classes, exercise and increasingly nice weather, i just don't have time. We have DVR, so when i DO watch television I don't watch any commercials. I unaware of what the latest movies are, I'm not a member of the Partnership for A Drug-Free America, and I don't know where to purchase the best manufacturer-approved used automobiles for no money down. I'm the least likely person to ever own ANYTHING that could be seen in an infomercial, and i'm definitely not the target consumer of any of these product. BUT au contraire (!!!) I'm sure i own more As Seen On TV products than any of my friends whose nights consist of 4-6 hours of vegging out in front of the boob tube. My lovely friend Jessica Rozek asked me if a certain product Joe and i have (from TV) works as well as the commercial leads you to believe, and i said YES! So she inspired me to rate a few of the items that we've purchased:

on a scale from 1 TV(terrible)-5TVs (wonderful, can't imagine how i ever lived without it)



Shamwow: The Shamwow (name inspired by chamois) is a super absorbent cloth , that claims to replace the paper towel. We received 5 large and 3 small shamwow's for the low price of $19.99 It's unique suction power is incomparable to any drying rag/cloth/chamois on that i've ever tried, and Joe and I use them EVERYDAY! After it's been throroughly soaked and soiled, you can toss it in the washing machine and it really comes out perfectly.
One of our best As Seen on TV purchases to date:







Tablemate II: This is NO average TV tray! The Tablemate II has 3 levels in which the platform can be placed, six height settings, It's bent legs slide UNDER the couch, allowing you to be LAID back while enjoying your meal, and it's surface is a durable hard plastic, which is seemingly impenetrable . The TMII can not only be used as a TV tray, but as a child's art desk, night table, easel, card table and ANYTHING else imaginable. I would not recommend purchasing the white model because the surface stains easily, and can be difficult to clean:






Go Duster: Came right on time in about 4 or six business days. Arrived broken, and haven't sent it back yet.



Right now we have our eyes on the Pancake Puff...there goes my diet!