Dear A.,
How are you? I think it's been about 2 or 3 years since we've seen each other. I miss you. I remember when we first met in 7th grade. We were both the "new kids" and because i was the "new BLACK kid" amongst a sea of judgemental white upper middle class suburban faces, the other kids had a much harder time accepting me. But you were different. You realized we had a lot of classes together and you brought that to my attention after the first week of school. I was really elated to know that anyone even noticed me or cared. After that day we walked to all of our classes together and even sat at the same table in Mr. K.'s Art Class, since that was the only class in which we could choose our seats. We became really close. We told one another all of our deepest darkest secrets and had a trust much deeper than even siblings possess. I thought this friendship would last forever. We would vow to raise our kids on the same street, and that we'd be best friends forever no matter what. Even if we did happen to live far away from each other we'd talk at least once a week. But that didn't happen. You went to college far away and i went to school at home. You changed a lot of your contact information and told a few people and excluded me. I thought it was strange, but i figured it was a mistake. I got your information from someone and we got back in touch and it was just like old times. This happened about 3 or 4 more times, until you finally lost all contact with me. I thought about you a few times a year and tried to find you online. I finally found you a few months ago on facebook, and i tried to get in touch with you, but you made it CLEAR, by not responding to me and blocking every aspect of your profile, that you wanted no contact with me. I took a friend's advice and forgot about it you. Fuck it, fuck that, fuck you. I'm happy, I'm in a wonderful place in my life right now, and it is completely pointless for me to worry my joyful little head about you, and the friendship we could have had. You were removed from my mind. Erased. Then. Last Night. You were in my dream. It felt so real. it was just like old times. I did something sarcastic and funny and it cracked you up so hard that you feel on the floor. You were one of the only people that REALLY understood my humor, and I've been thinking about you since i woke up this morning. Why can't we be friends? Whatever I don't care anymore. I just needed to write this letter that you'll never read to help me re-erase you from my life. I wish you well, and please don't ever show up in my dreams again. If you can't give me a simple phone call, you definitely don't deserve to be in my subconscious mind.
Love always,
Nix
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Vegan Bike NIGHT!
--don't come unless you ride a Peugeot or can make the best curry tofu ever!
So for those of your that know me, I'm a vegan. For those of you that don't know me; I'm not defined by my veganism, nor do I judge individuals based on their dietary preferences. It's just a choice I made on August 6, 2004 when i was one with my couch, almost 200 lbs, and felt like shit when the alarm clock on my Nokia 5160 harassed me out of bed every single morning. I was basically trapped inside of my Big Bacon Classic, Fries and a Sprite (This ungodly combination of what can barely be called food represents my body, since we indeed ARE EXACTLY WHAT WE EAT!). And my only way out was research.
On that misty August morning, i sat in front of my computer with the intention of going to the websites of all of my favorite fast food joints. I wanted to look at the Nutrition Facts of all of the meals i routinely ordered. My first stop was Wendy's to read about old faithful, the #4 Big Bacon Classic Value Meal, BIGGIE sized with a Sprite (32oz). This was my last stop. I learned the Burger alone (which has since been replaced on the menu with the Baconator which has TWO burger patties instead of ONE!) was about 620 calories! The Fries (large) were 550 Calories , and my 32 oz of clear soda-y goodness was 260 Calories! SO in one meal, i was eating 1440 Calories, which is on average the amount of food a woman of my age and height should consume in ONE DAY! And i probably ate two meals like this everyday day 2880+ and let's not forget the snacking (2 bags of chips @ 460 calories a piece ) 940! SO at a total of approximately 3,820 calories a day, i was eating the amount calories i should be eating over the course of almost 3 days in 24 hours, and not even dreaming of exercise. SO after i picked my jaw up off of my keyboard, i brainstormed a list of vegetables and fruits that i liked. Then i began to research percent daily values, and what good healthy proteins and fats could do for me. I cleared out my fridge and from that day on, my life has been completely different. After being vegan for only 5 months, i lost about 25 lbs with NO exercise! I just changed the way i ate!
In January of 2005, I joined a gym for the first time in my life. I was terrified! What if the muscle bound men and waifs stare at me, or even point and laugh!!?!?! Thank goodness i didn't let my fear deter me, I lost so much weight, and i actually learned that i love to work out! The only thing that I needed to work on, was finding vegan options other than french fries and salad when i dined out. I wrote on a few message boards looking for vegan friends to show me a few places, and i was NOT welcomed with opened arms. This first question everyone asked me was: "So how long have you been vegan?" If i knew that the reply of almost 6 months wasn't the right answer i would have bumped it up a little so these people would give me the time of day. My response would warrant forum wide laughter and ridicule! Oh you're barely vegan !
She won't last
Why start now?
I was SHOCKED! I was completely unaware of this elitist designer veganism that fueled the hearts of animal rights activists, bike punks, and emo kids alike. Their reasoning for being vegan from my understanding at the time, was based on blending in with their circle of friends/subculture they attempted to fit into. a highschool-esque clique who turned their noses up at you if you weren't wearing a Kiss Me I'm Vegan T-shirt. Fuck it. Fuck that! How will anyone ever be educated enough about your cause to become a part of it, if your holier than thou attitude is so forboding that people are scared to even accept your pamphlet propaganda?!
Tonight is Vegan Dessert Night at a local bakery. My friend asked if i was going, and i said if i do go, i'm going to get my dessert and JET, I'm not trying to be all Pittsburgh Militant Vegan about it. I don't want to read a stranger's zine which probably won't be recycled by 90% of the people they hand it to, or save the earth with them just because all of their friends are doing it. I'll save mother Earth because she and most of her people are definitely in need of relief, and I'll continue to be vegan because it makes me feel good and i love to cook vegan food. Not because you're wasting paper telling me to do so.
So for those of your that know me, I'm a vegan. For those of you that don't know me; I'm not defined by my veganism, nor do I judge individuals based on their dietary preferences. It's just a choice I made on August 6, 2004 when i was one with my couch, almost 200 lbs, and felt like shit when the alarm clock on my Nokia 5160 harassed me out of bed every single morning. I was basically trapped inside of my Big Bacon Classic, Fries and a Sprite (This ungodly combination of what can barely be called food represents my body, since we indeed ARE EXACTLY WHAT WE EAT!). And my only way out was research.
On that misty August morning, i sat in front of my computer with the intention of going to the websites of all of my favorite fast food joints. I wanted to look at the Nutrition Facts of all of the meals i routinely ordered. My first stop was Wendy's to read about old faithful, the #4 Big Bacon Classic Value Meal, BIGGIE sized with a Sprite (32oz). This was my last stop. I learned the Burger alone (which has since been replaced on the menu with the Baconator which has TWO burger patties instead of ONE!) was about 620 calories! The Fries (large) were 550 Calories , and my 32 oz of clear soda-y goodness was 260 Calories! SO in one meal, i was eating 1440 Calories, which is on average the amount of food a woman of my age and height should consume in ONE DAY! And i probably ate two meals like this everyday day 2880+ and let's not forget the snacking (2 bags of chips @ 460 calories a piece ) 940! SO at a total of approximately 3,820 calories a day, i was eating the amount calories i should be eating over the course of almost 3 days in 24 hours, and not even dreaming of exercise. SO after i picked my jaw up off of my keyboard, i brainstormed a list of vegetables and fruits that i liked. Then i began to research percent daily values, and what good healthy proteins and fats could do for me. I cleared out my fridge and from that day on, my life has been completely different. After being vegan for only 5 months, i lost about 25 lbs with NO exercise! I just changed the way i ate!
In January of 2005, I joined a gym for the first time in my life. I was terrified! What if the muscle bound men and waifs stare at me, or even point and laugh!!?!?! Thank goodness i didn't let my fear deter me, I lost so much weight, and i actually learned that i love to work out! The only thing that I needed to work on, was finding vegan options other than french fries and salad when i dined out. I wrote on a few message boards looking for vegan friends to show me a few places, and i was NOT welcomed with opened arms. This first question everyone asked me was: "So how long have you been vegan?" If i knew that the reply of almost 6 months wasn't the right answer i would have bumped it up a little so these people would give me the time of day. My response would warrant forum wide laughter and ridicule! Oh you're barely vegan !
She won't last
Why start now?
I was SHOCKED! I was completely unaware of this elitist designer veganism that fueled the hearts of animal rights activists, bike punks, and emo kids alike. Their reasoning for being vegan from my understanding at the time, was based on blending in with their circle of friends/subculture they attempted to fit into. a highschool-esque clique who turned their noses up at you if you weren't wearing a Kiss Me I'm Vegan T-shirt. Fuck it. Fuck that! How will anyone ever be educated enough about your cause to become a part of it, if your holier than thou attitude is so forboding that people are scared to even accept your pamphlet propaganda?!
Tonight is Vegan Dessert Night at a local bakery. My friend asked if i was going, and i said if i do go, i'm going to get my dessert and JET, I'm not trying to be all Pittsburgh Militant Vegan about it. I don't want to read a stranger's zine which probably won't be recycled by 90% of the people they hand it to, or save the earth with them just because all of their friends are doing it. I'll save mother Earth because she and most of her people are definitely in need of relief, and I'll continue to be vegan because it makes me feel good and i love to cook vegan food. Not because you're wasting paper telling me to do so.
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