A.

Dear A.,

How are you? I think it's been about 2 or 3 years since we've seen each other. I miss you. I remember when we first met in 7th grade. We were both the "new kids" and because i was the "new BLACK kid" amongst a sea of judgemental white upper middle class suburban faces, the other kids had a much harder time accepting me. But you were different. You realized we had a lot of classes together and you brought that to my attention after the first week of school. I was really elated to know that anyone even noticed me or cared. After that day we walked to all of our classes together and even sat at the same table in Mr. K.'s Art Class, since that was the only class in which we could choose our seats. We became really close. We told one another all of our deepest darkest secrets and had a trust much deeper than even siblings possess. I thought this friendship would last forever. We would vow to raise our kids on the same street, and that we'd be best friends forever no matter what. Even if we did happen to live far away from each other we'd talk at least once a week. But that didn't happen. You went to college far away and i went to school at home. You changed a lot of your contact information and told a few people and excluded me. I thought it was strange, but i figured it was a mistake. I got your information from someone and we got back in touch and it was just like old times. This happened about 3 or 4 more times, until you finally lost all contact with me. I thought about you a few times a year and tried to find you online. I finally found you a few months ago on facebook, and i tried to get in touch with you, but you made it CLEAR, by not responding to me and blocking every aspect of your profile, that you wanted no contact with me. I took a friend's advice and forgot about it you. Fuck it, fuck that, fuck you. I'm happy, I'm in a wonderful place in my life right now, and it is completely pointless for me to worry my joyful little head about you, and the friendship we could have had. You were removed from my mind. Erased. Then. Last Night. You were in my dream. It felt so real. it was just like old times. I did something sarcastic and funny and it cracked you up so hard that you feel on the floor. You were one of the only people that REALLY understood my humor, and I've been thinking about you since i woke up this morning. Why can't we be friends? Whatever I don't care anymore. I just needed to write this letter that you'll never read to help me re-erase you from my life. I wish you well, and please don't ever show up in my dreams again. If you can't give me a simple phone call, you definitely don't deserve to be in my subconscious mind.

Love always,
Nix