Dreams all night.

This morning I woke up feeling exhausted. I had strange dreams ALL night. All I can remember are little blips of them, but I felt so many different emotions: Confusion, Helplessness, Embarrassment, and just plain old PISSED OFF-ness! I’m just going to jot down what I remember in no particular order.

- It felt like any regular weekend. I was hanging out at my neighbor’s house with a lot of our friends, and some girl came over and she was eating remnants of an almost empty LARGE Lay’s plain potato chips bag. She removed her hand from the bag, and she had chip crumbs and grease all over her hands. Even in her greasy handed state, I extended my hand for a right handshake, and before I could say “Hi my name is—” she cut me off, with a snotty “Who are YOU?!?!” She said it in a manner that made my blood boil! So I walked away and ignored her. The whole time she was there, she was talking shit, possibly using racial slurs and giving me dirty looks. I lost my cool. Never in my real life or in my dream life do I EVER lose my cool. I got up and YELLED something in this girls face, and my friend removed her from his house.

- I was at a bonfire/concert and there was GREAT music playing. But for some reason I couldn’t catch the BEAT. I was just like jumping up and down hopping around to a completely different rhythm. The whole time I was dancing I kept saying to myself, why can’t I dance? Why am I dancing like THIS? People were pointing and laughing, I just kept dancing.

- A girl in my kickboxing class and I went to the DMV or something like the DMV to get some type of picture taken. There were really long lines everywhere, and there was a security guard handing out numbers (like the ones you receive at the deli) that represented the order in which we’d line up in. The whole time we were there he kept trying to pull fast ones on us. He gave us a number ticket that he made. He scribbled it down with a pen on this little tiny piece of paper, and was dying laughing when he gave it to us. It wasn’t funny. He directed us to the wrong lines and thought it was a fucking laugh RIOT.

- Two groups of friends completely merged and it was kind of weird. My fiancé and I were sleeping in our bedroom and it was a still typical Squirrel Hill night. I woke up to the sounds of a few familiar voices. I looked out the window and I saw my friends Nathan and Jeremy walking down the street holding hands. Neither of these guys are gay, but for some reason it was expected, in an 'oh that’s just Nathan and Jeremy sort of way'. Then Matt and Eric were hanging out right underneath our bedroom window. It was the middle of summer and Eric had on a winter coat and hat. He was drunk and rapping, and laughing down the street. Matt was just hanging out by the tree outside of my window.

- For some reason my friend Juliet and I wanted to hang out with boys at a basketball court. And we HAD to wear the PERFECT outfits! It was very coming of age movie-esque. We were working on my outfit, and she let me borrow some cut up white t-shirt turned tank top that barely covered my breasts. I thought it was a good idea for SOME reason in my dream.

- I went to visit my friend ____ and her boyfriend. They were in prison because they had both abused each other. He was explaining to me how she pushed him over the EDGE. He was just trying to study and she kept nagging and harassing him, so he snapped. I went into the room where she was and she lifted up her pant leg and her leg was rotten all the way to the bone, but then it turned into my leg too, and we couldn’t decipher whose leg was whose. I didn’t know if I should shudder at the site of her leg, or feel my own pain. It was an intense feeling.

This is what I remember. I just had to get it out of my head.